Ten reasons I hate my spouse... - By Sangeeta Rana

(Published on 1 May 2006 in 'Lanka Woman' - Colombo, Sri Lanka)

The above statement is bound to draw a lot of attention. It takes courage and fortitude to come out in the open. I’ve kept it under covers for years but the claustrophobia is killing me… and it’s time I let the world know.

While my old aunts are going to chuckle and their better halves (read bitter halves) going to shake their heads in disbelief - here it is… finally in black and white for the world to savour.

Mr Right! This one is addressed straight to you.

01) For heavens… stop being nice to my friends. I am finding it arduous to be nice to all of yours.

02) Peter out! Stop being such a terrific Dad. I’m finding it difficult to keep up with the high standards you are setting.

03) Cease having such a good sense of humour. Aren't we supposed to take our marriage a little more seriously?

04) Put an end to telling me everyday that you love me. I feel the need to work harder on looking better for you.

05) Cut encouraging me to take care of my health. There’s no point taking life too seriously. Is there? You can't come out of it alive anyway.

06) Curtail from pampering me silly with expensive gifts. The guilt is killing me… and if you must can I do the selecting!

07) Discontinue from keeping my picture on your office desk. I don't have the best figure in town – gosh and to have it on display!

08) Resist from placing me on a pedestal. It's unhealthy. I'm putting on weight due to the lack of exercise!

09) Bring to a halt perpetually adjusting with my needs. As per marriage counsellors it is unnatural to be in perfect sync.

10) STOP being such a perfect husband. I feel left out when other women sit and whine about their 'significant others' - or is it 'insignificant others?'

Why can’t you, like the millions around you - just be a normal Asian husband!