RSVP - 'respondez, s'il vous plait'

(Published on 26 December 2006 in 'Women at Work' - W @ W - a supplement of the Daily Mirror, Colombo, Sri Lanka)

The four little letters at the bottom of a wedding invitation card almost always go unnoticed. There is no doubt that the host sending out the invites must have put this acronym there with a purpose. Especially at a time when the cost of printing the card depends on the number of words being printed on it… the person sending the card most certainly would not add these four letters to heighten the aesthetic value of the invite or show-off his knowledge of the English language. Judith Martin, the author of many books on etiquette believes that ‘RSVP’ came about as a polite way of reminding people of something that they should already know: If you receive an invitation, you should reply.

Interestingly the acronym RSVP has numerous meanings:
m RSVP - Rotating Surveillance Vehicle Platform
m RSVP - Reading, Spelling, Vocabulary, Pronunciation
m RSVP - Rapid Service Voice Processing
m RSVP - Rating Site Value Points
m RSVP - Reinforcing Safety Values in People
m RSVP - Retrieve Sound Velocity Profile
m RSVP - Recognise Success via Implementation
m RSVP - Rapid Serial Visual Presentation
m RSVP - Rare Symmetry Violating Processes
m RSVP - Retired and Senior Volunteer Program
m RSVP - Research Society for Victorian Periodicals
m RSVP - Renewables for Sustainable Village Power
m RSVP - Restartable Solid Variable Pulse (rocket motor)

Now if you are a rocket scientist you might just confuse RSVP to stand for Restartable Solid Variable Pulse with reference to a rocket motor – but for you and me it really is quite simple. RSVP stands for a French phrase, "répondez, s'il vous plaît," which means ‘please reply.’ Implying that, the person sending the invitation would like you to tell him whether you accept or decline the invitation. Invitations carry the host's telephone number so you can call with your answer. However, under strict etiquette rules, a written invitation requires a written reply.

For hosts who are planning a dinner party, a wedding or a reception, this is important from a practical point of view. The host will need to know how many people to cater for, not just for planning food quantities but issues relating to appropriate seating, transportation, etc. among other administrative things. However what is more important is the simple courtesy of responding to someone who was nice enough to invite you, even if it is to say that you will not be able to attend. Nowadays, to make it more convenient for the guest, invitations often carry a request saying -‘regrets only.’ That means that the host will count on your being present unless you tell him otherwise.

There is lot of confusion in the minds of guests as to what exactly RSVP means. RSVP does not mean to respond only if you're coming, and it does not mean respond only if you're not coming (the expression ‘regrets only’ is used if that is what is to be conveyed). It means the host needs a definite head count for the planned event. It is considered as rude and a pointless exercise to respond and communicate on the very date of the event itself. Rather too late for the host to make changes and swing into action.

I’d like to believe that the decline in RSVP's is attributed to ignorance and people not really knowing what it means rather than rudeness. RSVP is a term given to us by the French and it would be thus appropriate to close with a line on etiquette by Colette, a French novelist: “It is wise to apply the oil of refined politeness to the mechanisms of friendship.”

Miss Know-All
miss.know.all@gmail.com